I am here and I shall always
be,
I've seen those times and the
time has seen me.
Haunted by the ghost of the
past,
I wish I could run that fast.
It always catches up with me,
All in vain what I have been
here to see.
Change is the constant law in
here,
My heart knows no change I
fear.
I have been and shall always be
here.
The restlessness, the agitation,
the complaining, it all made sense now. Everything was changing too fast and it
looked like I was losing grip. The world was moving faster each day and
everyone else had to run to catch up. I was the only one waiting for some sort
of signal. Moving was never my nature it seemed. Even when I was forcing myself
to walk ahead, I knew that something always stayed intact. Nothing changed
about it.
Meeting my close ones (my family)
sort of always takes me back to the old times. Or they just remind me of so
much that I forget in my daily run for survival. That’s the usual for all those
who are close to their families and have been staying a little away from home
to work their ways out into independence and sketching a new life for
themselves. But, somehow I find this a little beyond for myself. It’s beyond in
the sense of timelessness.
It revealed to me that the reason
I felt out of place, most of the times, was that a part of myself was always
soaring elsewhere. It was in the past. Somehow I had managed to bring it with
me to have made it my present.
I now wonder if that is the case
with anyone else. I am sure though, that most of us have this habit of bringing
back our past with us or to pull ourselves ahead in the future. In some way or
the other, we are indeed, always time travelling.
It also became clearer to me that
how I have been so reluctant to growing up. Where the people I knew have
discovered and rediscovered themselves, I was still trying endlessly to hold on
to a portion of my life so tightly. It’s like fulfilling the promises made to
yourself and also the self created ones which you thought were made to you. Mostly,
that was done unknowingly.
And now that I know, it’s going
to be only tougher. My reluctance to growing up and living a time over and over
again has been a journey around the same lane.
Now, I can finally say that I am
ready to move on. Well, easier said than done. The hope that the unknown has a
scope of its own beauty is meek. Guess it has to learn to grow up with me.
