Do we ever move on...?

It was one of those times when a question leaves you completely speechless and flabbergasted. But, once you come to think of it, you realize that given a chance, you could actually even blog about it. And that is what precisely i am doing.  

One of my good friends once asked me, if i have moved on and if i am completely over it? And as philosophical as i love to be.. I said, “Do we ever move on?” 

This is only the gist of my reply BTW! :P

I could only say so cos i have been mulling over the question myself and i hadn’t found the answer. I believe myself to be from a conventional-classic era. Hence, the modern terminologies such as ‘dating’, ‘boy/girlfriend’, break-up/off sound a little foreign to me. But, when i was asked the question, i had to choose a side, the either side of the fence. So, my answer had to be in a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’.

I asked in turn, that do we ever move on from what we really believed in and from something that we tried to make work with all our sincerity? I guess not. Cos how many of us are completely over with our past, a past that connects us to any sort of a great experience. Even those who have achieved great success in life remember their days of struggle and cry. Even those who have found great love, even more wonderful and love-ful love are revisited by the memories of a painful love.

So, for me it was difficult to benchmark the ‘Moved on Status’. But, i was glad to have been reminded of the state of mind, as all most of the answers lie there. I think that, pretty much defines our status. It’s all about how are we dealing with the memory of that past. Does the ‘ghost’ still haunt us? Or are we at peace with the experience and add it to the credit side of our Life’s balance sheet?

Every great feeling that came with a victory, failure, music, taste or any great experience tends to live with us. It may grow or it may fade. That is decided by the coming choices and experiences. But, if we can say that, that experience was required to complete our life’s story, means we are peace with it. 

And we are all set to, Move on...

The Rain, the puddles...

On the way to home,

It’s the usual street.

Running raining hope,

For something new to meet,

It’s pouring all the way,

Clouds don’t seem to pay heed.

Looking up for shelter,

And down to save the puddles,

Life’s raining down,

With all its struggles,

Still going that way,

But, today home seems too far,

The distance pays no heed

Even though when,

It’s the usual street.

It was a usual day when I was on my back from work. That's when it started to rain in a not-so-usual way. Those are the times when  roads, vehicles and almost the entire city starts to seem crazy. It doesn't take long when even you start to lose your sanity standing still in the traffic. And, you realise that you are in a concrete jungle (the so-called fancy metro city you came to, to fulfill certain dreams)

It’s one of the rare times when you depend on your feet to carry you, till you find a miracle. And this is one of the same times, when you realise that you don’t own a four wheeler or rather wish upon owning one. Oh wait... what the heck! With a four-wheeler you might escape some of the rain but, you can't... just can't escape the traffic and the lo.......ng wait.

You watch empty autos pass-by, with a child-like hope that the driver would agree to take you, and you internally prepare yourself not to bargain tonight. But alas! It’s their night to price high as well as act pricey. You get rejected one after the other, and you keep guessing the right reasons for it. What would you have had done to them or how far would have your location seemed to them, to reject you out rightly. You keep guessing and they keep rejecting. Maybe today, when you are not thinking of fares, they are not looking at their income. Maybe even they just wanna get home soon.

But, on a rainy day like this one, when I traveled back home alone, these thoughts dawned on me.

1)      This was the time when you feel little more unlucky for so many things.

2)      This is the time which like all hard times, can either leave you helpless or can make you tough!

3)      This is the time when you feel strange caught up in a world of Dummies! Cos you stand on a flooded road for hours maybe, getting rejected by all sorts of public conveyances who usually run to take you on a normal no-rain day. This is the time when a million cars pass you by with their drivers looking at your helplessness with pity. You see almost 3 multiplied by a zillion empty seats in each of those 4 wheelers which can easily help more than half of the people on foot-getting drenched. You tend to remember all theories of inequality of distribution of wealth. But...

4)      You are too conscious. You so wish to help so many others who are helpless. And, you quietly or sometimes even loudly, do want to get helped!

5)      These are the times, when you realize you are all alone. No friends, family, love... could have saved you from this rain. You feel like calling them, but, you know... it’s your own road with its own counted puddles. You have to jump, save or cross each of them, to reach home.

6)      In the end, most importantly, you realize that you will reach home. You will be safe cos you were strong enough to struggle and hope for a miracle. (A conveyance- even an auto after a long walk and wait seemed like one!)

Siddhartha- My Experience with the seeker

‘Siddhartha’ by Hermann Hesse, is the story of a seeker.  The exploratory journey, of a curious and determined young boy becoming- a man, an ascetic, a worldly soul, who submerges in ‘maya’ to emerge as a weary man who later learns and grows to find what he had been seeking all through, from a river and a simple ferryman.

The reason why i was attracted to read this book was because, i was told that it changed the lives of some of its readers, as it changed their perspective. I too, just like the protagonist- Siddhartha, was eager to find something new and life changing through this book. I thought i will immediately find a new learning or maybe answers to many of my questions.

Few pages of reading the book...

Nothing such happened. Few more pages and nothing new still didn't occur. I sighed and then decided to just read on. May be it would just help me pass time if nothing else.

I read on and on. Nowhere, i saw ‘Siddhartha’ as the hero of the book. He was someone who was somewhat defiant. Who was lost in lots of questions.  Someone who did not know what he was going to do next, but, did know what he must not do. He knew when to just go on, even when full of doubts.

My Key Learning from the Book:

1)      When life seems to hold no meaning anymore, when even the act of living becomes just passing each day and hence, it starts to feel weary. Then, it’s time to take a halt. Cos it’s life’s way of showing us that there is another plan waiting for us. There is another path already carved for us, awaiting us to choose to walk on.

2)      This choice is the time that we must say ‘Goodbye’. To all the childish things. Cos now we have chosen to take responsibility. We have chosen to act for ourselves. And, when we choose to act for ourselves, we start bringing a change for which not only us, but our entire world might not be ready for. For this conflict, we must be prepared, must be strong enough to bid Adieu to the child and all that he loves, cos he knows that it’s time to grow up.

3)      The path to good may not always be good. At times it is important to know the badness of the ‘bad’ to know the goodness of the ‘good’. And to know the both, one must experience. Experience is the key. Siddhartha explains that why is it important to be a sinner, to be a saint.

4)      It is easier to give up a pleasure that one has never experienced. True fasting is performed by the one who has had the luxury of food and taste, both. The true essence of fasting is also, understood by the one who has understood the satisfaction of the sense of taste.

5)      The most new learning was that, time and space is an illusion. Life is a full circle, like, the word ‘Om’ which means complete, perfect.

How we are visible in only one form, but, we do have another life and another form at the same time. All the other differences due to past present and future are a delusion. What we wish to become, is what we are now. What we are seeking is what we already have. Life and us, it’s all perfect in the now. 

Therefore, there has to be no seeking for peace. We are peace. 

We are the dead, the living and life itself.

Embracing the Pain

The mind doesn't help in steering such thoughts; they became a habit before i could know.

I tried to hide but it revealed against all odds, and despite the cover, they always show.

I've been waiting for a time when there’d be no need for a cover,

It took me long to understand that there’s only one way, no other

I need to give up my shame.

 I need to embrace the pain

I need to break my heart,

 if i have to fall in love again.

I learnt i don’t need to fight the odds,

All i had to do was to steer my thoughts.

Didn't have to stop, had to let it come to me,

I don’t have to be the same again,

Just need to move and embrace the pain.

That’s our mate who knows our soul,

There’s no other better to play this role.

Pain is the strength and that brings the grace,

The ever feared pain, come to my embrace,

There’s nothing to fear, where u reside here.

There’s no search, no longing, for any better place.

A New City!

It's all about the cycle.
Human-society-city-nation-civilization.

The flowchart could be anyway. But, the question here is these cycles put huge questions ahead of us to which no one has answers to. I am asking these questions from long. Today i share them too, as they stared en face! I also share this, as i would like to share an incident.

I left from work and was waiting for a public conveyance. I waited on the main road for about 25 minutes. I wasn't alone. There were about 7-8 people. Some stood before than i, and some joined later. We all got refused by autos one after the other. Cos we were not ready to pay the luxury fares demanded by them.
We have all accepted this as a part of life and we all learn to live with it. I don't know what would have i done if, what happened had not happened.

From what i remember, it was approx.  the 9th auto which drove by and was about to leave, when i refused to pay him double the amount. That very moment, two other guys who had been waiting at the same place, came infuriated and stopped the driver. One of them asked me to get in the auto authoritatively. I was unsure at first but then, it felt like a movement for that particular moment. The driver was upset and he did not want to take me. But, the two guys mentioned the new rule and they forced him to take me and warned him to file a complaint against him. I could see that the frustration had to do with more than today's incident. As their anger spoke more of the scenario in the city. The driver was helpless and he had to let me sit.

 I could not help the cribbing of the driver on the way, about the rocketing CNG prices and the jams. I do not know if they are completely wrong when they blame the 'increase in the prices of fuel' for their in genuine demands. I was angry and upset myself but, i had no one to blame.

It took a grave incident to enrage the whole nation, to shake the whole city. New rules have been implied. Older rules have been reactivated from dormancy. In one day i saw people who wanted to stand up for a stranger, and i also saw a man who just had to make money for the day.

I still don't have my answers but, all i shall take with me is that, every time the humanity is shaken, a new city takes birth. A place with new rules.

And then, how i reached home today, is another story.