The Question Called Love

Love is a fascinating concept. It makes one wonder about the infinite possibilities of life. The knowledge of this phenomena hits us, soon after we become consciously aware of our surroundings. An interesting question about this phenomena is that - are we attracted to it by mere human design or is it more about the fabric of this time and era? Has the concept of ‘love’ been also remolded and reshaped to fit the social structure of the recent times? To answer this properly, a tangential aspect which gets exposed for investigation is - the power of decision making involved in the outcome called - Love.

The experience of this phenomena is popularly referred to as ‘falling in love’ (Well, okay). Then, another popular thought is that ‘love’ calls for surrender. One must give in, go loose on the grip, and preferably, go with the flow. (Only if we knew who controls this flow!)

But what does it really mean to go with the flow, in this context? Does it mean that one allows the fate to take control? Or does it mean to allow another person to do so? Or is it that you let anyone but yourself take charge of what happens to you?

Another pertinent question in this case is that if one must choose to surrender in love, then does it mean that love is a well-thought decision, a conscious choice? If one needs to remind oneself to go with the flow to really allow ‘love’ to change one’s life through its course, then doesn’t this motive put the whole idea of love in a very different light? Doesn’t this whole awareness make love a very practical and obvious move, somewhat similar to getting education or getting a job or buying a house? Is love also a logical progression after a series of emotions that you grant the power to take you on an adventurous ride?

But wasn’t love supposed to be a magical beam piercing through our hearts without any warning? Wasn’t it supposed to be a gift of fate, a reward for our good karma in past lives? Weren’t we supposed to be touched by it like the rain that sweeps in the clothes no matter how much we tried to hide under the umbrella? Wasn’t love supposed to choose a special few rather than us mortals allowing love to take over? Wasn’t it supposed to have the supreme power over us and drive us to our destiny? Wasn’t it supposed to drive us to people who we knew way before our time and way better than our own selves?

Where does this Love really stand between us being driven to the halves of our souls and us looking consciously for our well-suited partners?

If we have to choose to surrender to fall in love, is it really love?

Image: lovejay

Don't Give Me a Name Just Yet.

Now, what they did was all in reverse

They gave me a name even before I could converse

I didn’t know who I was or what should have I been called

To begin with, I was nothing, and then I was supposed to be all

And of course, I was not yet sure of my type

For I wasn’t born out of a box, never fitted in, so what was the hype

I imagine that I must have been alive and kicking and breathing

So why call me something certain even before I started teething

I am still not sure of my colour for it has multi shades

I am not sure of my tongue, if it is kind or sharp like blades

I am not sure of my skin, if it is soft and smooth enough for you

For I am in love with my unevenness, and I am okay with a scar or two

I am not sure of my hair for they are black and brown and rough and wild

They have their days just like I do, sometimes harsh and at times mild

No, I’m no surname or a class or a gender

I’m more, much more than just a countable number

I am not sure of my religion for they never introduced me to God

I just clench my eyes and teeth and fists when fear strikes me with a rod

The mind runs like the chicks in the barn until I stumble upon a – calm

The orphan in me begs until ‘a Nothingness’ brings ‘the end’ as alms

That’s how I learnt about faith, and I am glad that it has no name or brand  

And I am not sure what caste is mine for I am still foreign to my land

Or how far back in time goes my history,

For how far back does it really go is still a mystery

But my (known) history did give me some roots to follow

And trust me, it’s not just as narrow and hollow

As thinking that “I have no choice”

Because I am still trying to find my own voice

Now they tell me that I’m grown and I still insist,

No, don’t call me sweet and nice, just yet

For I might take you by surprise when I’m upset

No don’t call me fake and phoney, for all you know

I might just be there to hold you in your lowest low

Don’t call me too strong or uptight or weak

For I am my shyest when bold and loudest when all you see is someone meek

Don’t go on predicting what ‘I’ would say or do

For I am not sure if I am the ‘I’ as per the ‘You’

I still haven’t made up my mind about my name just yet

How would I turn out to be? Oh, there were so many bets!

I thought that I would tell them once I found out

And since then I’ve been wandering with countless burnouts

Sometimes, I think if I am ‘the one’ for me,

Or that who was, and is, and will be

Can you imagine what all then I’d have to survive to just be?

Perhaps a wanderer and seeker is what I am at the most

For these have all the limits, and are still life’s limitless hosts

Now, I dearly hold my choice to still remain nameless

For you might revere or chase after me for being limitless

Oh no, don’t call me a human just yet for that’s one decent thing that I am still striving to be

But I know that I am me and you are you, and hence you will still call me as you please

Clear Zindagi to Make it Dear Zindagi!

(Disclaimer: Some of you might find this TLTR (too long to read) just like some felt about the movie, and for some that laziness might kick in, so therefore, feel free to skim through just the pointers. Cheerio!) 

One would expect a bunch of endearing moments with loads of sunshine from a movie with a title such as ‘Dear Zindagi’. One would also expect some revelations about 'Zindagi' itself. And truth be told, this movie is not all sunshine and beaches but, some grey clouds as well.One may or may not connect with the ‘not so endearing’ moments ingrained in the film, depending largely on whether one connects with the underlying issues raised in the film, or not. Yes! Gauri Shinde is one of those contemporary female directors who subtly raises less commonly-talked about issues of common lives, and tries to resolve them along her story.  

Kaira (Alia Bhatt) is this quintessential modern, independent girl, who also seems to be a bit secretive and way more complicated in some strange way. Her life is divided in pretty much the same four-dimensions as is any bachelor’s, living in a metro away from family. The dimensions being:
· Career,
· Romantic relationship(s), 
· Friends,
· and a parent on-phone!


Quite brilliant at her job (which is not fairly understood by her relatives back home), Kaira is still trying to crack her ‘Dream Break’. Whereas on the personal front, she is trying to get out of one relationship, and get over another. Alongside, there are other issues adding to the grey in her life such as;
· Her being a young, attractive, single, working-woman trying to prove her mettle only through her work
· And her being a single working-woman, living alone on rent in a city like Mumbai 
It would take one quite some time to figure out why is she the way she is! For some, it might take too long and up until the second half, and that could make her character ‘not so endearing’ for all that while. However, this movie is more about a girl (a side hidden in many of us) who is leading a bit of an unfulfilled and confused life, not understanding why she is not able to open up enough in her relationships, and more visibly why can’t she get some sleep! Some would conclude that she is depressed! Depression, because that’s one term we have started to get familiar with by now, with regards to an unhealthy mental condition. Her compulsive habits such as online shopping, falling in and out of relationships, withdrawing from her family, collecting and ripping of photographs, etc. do show signs of some disorder after all. 
Then pretty much like the entry of a fairy-godmother, she bumps into her to-be therapist, and from there she embarks on the journey of her transformation.  She starts by enrolling herself into a therapy with Dr. Jehangir Khan (Shahrukh Khan) who catches her attention by talking about mental illness with absolutely no condescension, but with brand new outlook. With each concluded therapy session, the layers of Kaira’s mental condition start to peel-off. Dr. Khan almost reveals it to her that she has a pattern which has followed her closely and has been reflecting in all her relationships. This pattern is the resultant of an emotional trauma that she went through as a very young child, and has been carrying as a secret burden, all along.  


Here’s how the therapy drill goes:

· Find out what is it that scares us, and since when?
· Notice what went wrong at the time
· Go back, trace it, and connect the dots to find the pattern
· Once found, try and break that pattern.
· And, our dreams talk to us. All we need to do is listen.
Soon, these sessions help Kaira to not only view herself in a completely new light, but also accept her parents and other people around her with no baggage of the past.


Therapy Sessions:

Lesson 1: We tend to think that only the toughest route can be the right one. Sometimes, it is okay to go a bit easy on ourselves (Addition* that depends on if the choice is between the right and the easy. And, if you can’t figure what’s the right thing then doing what you are best prepared for seems to be the right thing to do) 

Lesson 2: It’s important how you view and review your own self. If you demean yourself, then that’s how the world will view you.

Lesson 3: Genius is not someone who has all the answers, but, rather someone who has the patience to wait for the answers to come. 


Lesson 4: ‘Kaun hain ye log’- We tend to worry a bit too much about what people think of us, and then end up being unfair to our own selves. Basically, we need to clear the clutter and spend some time to meet ourselves to find out who we really are!

Lesson 5 (For Parents): Does your child have a happy memory? Remembering a happy moment from the childhood shouldn’t be tough. It is a lot up to the parents to leave happy memories for their kids (Parents are the ghosts of their children’s past- Interstellar).

Lesson 6: “Don’t let the past blackmail your present into ruining a beautiful future”.

Lesson 7: Sometimes, we need to bring our parents down from the high-pedestal of being ‘our parents’ and see them as humans capable of making faults, just like us. (There is an expiry date on blaming your parents - J.K. Rowling)

Lesson 8: “Rona, gussa, nafrat kuch bhi khul ke express nahi karne diya, toh ab pyaar kaise express karein”! We were taught how to walk. But how to express? That ‘real walk’ of our own life is usually learnt as we truly fall in and out of love or see one of our dreams shatter; as that’s usually the first time we truly expose ourselves through expression. All these and many more such revelations are unfolded through the course of Kiara’s therapy which one can use to reflect upon and make a note of, for one’s own life.

As Dr. Khan says, “A genius is someone who knows when to stop”, and on that note, I’d like to close this session! 

x

Summary of Starlets

No they lie so quiet

Amidst the silent night

No they wouldn’t fall in love

They are saving their light’s kiss

No they wouldn’t move elsewhere

They fear falling on some mortal’s wish

No they make no noise

They resist the deafening sounds

No they refuse to wake up

They worry they would see the real surmount

No they wouldn’t give in

They fear it would all crash and shatter

They hold it all tight within

They fear they will never recover

And so, they are hung up high

All shiny and sparkly up in the sky

Dangling there since the heavens came to life

Looking down often, they smile

Wondering what it is to love and be loved

Even without a heart break they sigh

An Ode to a Cynic!

No humour comes easy to a heart plagued with grief

For a heart made of remorse rarely understands relief

There’s only but one truth that stands true to his belief

Its shadow called ‘doubt’ clouds all that it perceives

For a cynical heart hasn’t really ever had a true reason

And shall also never even ask for one

For it has learnt many other ways to grieve

A heart that is at a duel with its insufficient self

Has many inventive cures to revive its disease.

One can only try and knock to see if there’s someone indoors

But one will always be disappointed to find it locked and will retrieve

For a cynical heart is never just yet ready to meet

"The music is not in the notes"

"The music is not in the notes,
but in the silence between."
~ Mozart

Only who has felt the silence so deep can feel and create music so intense. Only who envision the vastness of a blank canvas can create magic on it. It is essential to visit the deepest of depths in order to reach the highest of the heights.

Heights, here, again can be confused with monetary success or fame. By heights here, I mean the heights of the closeness and involvement that one feels with one’s art. With one’s gift that the soul aches to discover, explore and share.

Once, you come en face with your gift, there must be no looking back. There must be a struggle. Struggle to take off the skin you have been wrapped in. Peel off the face you have lived with or have been taught to look so.

The peeling off doesn’t come easy. The doubts will cloud over. The fear of being seen naked will engulf. The one’s in their old skin, all coloured the same and alike will demand you must remain in your old skin too. That’s when the peeling will be the toughest.

There will be an hour. That might seem the darkest and the longest. You will know that has all the power to drown and you will feel choked. That hour is the key to your gift. All the fears, doubts and the opposition will be a gift. For in this darkness you will see a dim light at the far end. The light will be bleak so, you will still have doubts. The pull will be on both the sides. Here, you must identify, that out of these two there is one that your desiring-self wishes to hold onto. Let a little lose. Let it go for a while. The gap, that space will bring in some answers. You will see your desires and you will see that light. And you must follow one.

I

n that darkest hour followed by the silence, which you must allow yourself, you will meet yourself closely. You will see who you have been till now. You will see the colour of your skin. You must walk closer to the light. You will get a glimpse of the colour of your new skin.

Behold the unseen. Unlearn. Shed the old skin and follow the light. Reborn with a new skin and here, you design what you do with it. You have the senses unexposed and unexplored. Explore your gift. And go as far deep as you can.

In this depth soars the quietest silence and it is here, that you have the inspiration to create the most melodious music. The trick is to stay still and not fear the silence rather immerse in it and let the music come to us.

The Mountain

  

You might not be all that I was looking for,

Always peeped on the other side of you, for more

 Always kept adding up ‘two and two’ for ‘four’

To find the lifeless pieces of my divided core

Even quit and left so many times to go beyond and explore

Met countless new moons and touched infinite new shores

But, the winds chased me till far and they smelled just like you

Making me wonder, if, you followed behind all through

Lost and signless, all I could do was wonder

Since, there was no lightening, there was no thunder

No, there were no words, no confessions

No, there was no bending, no surrender

Yet, I couldn't leave, couldn't go any further

Left some shores untouched, in similar wonder

And came back to see you here, standing still

Still no words, only silence instilled

Frozen at your footsteps, I looked up at you, so tall

Looking down at me you must have thought, “So small”

Still no words, but, just silence and wonder

No, there was no bending, no surrender

I knew it was too high and too tough

Still with my feet, I laid the first touch

And that is when, the immovable moved

Seeing the snow melting, I stood there glued

You were no more that tall

And I did no more feel that small

It is since then, that every season, when it snows,

Somewhere a mountain has moved deep-down I know!